White Ink Blues

Not my type
No Joke! I’m no typewriter

After typing all day I noticed I used up all my ink. I had so much to say. Maybe that is why no one will read my stuff…
Last year we went to the beach like we do every year. I sat down at a bar. I usually like meeting new people. That’s why I play golf. But, this couple at the bar sort of irritated me. Anyway this guy next to me asked me if I had any children. Well, I didn’t really think about it much before that. Now, I think about it alot. Maybe too much.
So, I was the youngest of five. Did my father leave my mother because of me? Was it too much to take care of? Lots of questions developed. Kids cost too much both time and money. My dad had a barn with ponies and cows and my job was to clean it. So shovelling manure has to count for something. Sometimes people lose their child and morn for the rest of their lives. Some people abuse their children who knows why. Then there is the passing of the genes.
Cats and the Cradle (Harry Chapin) was a very good song. It had lots of meaning. And Loggins & Messina had a hit named Danny’s Song. Maybe that was my goal. Lord knows I practiced as often as possible. And maybe I do have children that I don’t know about. I was in the Navy. I’m not trying to sell my “Dan’s Date Stamp App”. I’m just trying to get this out of my mind #whiteink.
I heard if you get an abortion they do something to prevent you from getting pregnant again. That I don’t know too much about. And there are a lot of protesters out there. Some are for women’s rights to have an abortion and others say women don’t have the right. Not getting mixed up with that one, but, it is an argument concerning to have children or not.
Is the population of the world overflowing; perhaps we need a war before having more children. There is also a deadly virus going around killing people left and right of China.
There are sperm banks looking for samples, perhaps they need more of the superior race. Which I believe is a mixture of all. Sort of like “Pea green soup” fresh out of the melting pot.
Some pets require tending, some make it on their own and some, like war dogs, help others. I guess I am the pet that needs attention.
This white ink better work or I’ll get in trouble. Some get white tattoos but, that would be permanent.


Gasses Glasses

I didn’t do itDon't Fart at the FireGlasses sees gasses?

Fade in:
College scientific lab, just before lunch

In a small suburban city, at the University of Knoxton, a freshman and his professor of science discover a new technology. The Gasses Glasses as they discover would allow them to see gasses. With this new technology they can observe the different gasses such as oxygen, carbon monoxide and even ethanol. The gasses are differentiated by color and shapes of bubbles and also differentiated by their concentration.  The size of the bubbles, similar to The Lawrence Welk Show gone crazy indicates a great deal.  Bubbles are everywhere and with the aid of the Gasses Glasses the scientists become more informed as to the need and purpose of viewing these gasses.

They believe they can help the government and country with this idea. Being able to detect toxic gasses or wartime chemicals would be an outstanding asset. But, the worldwide group of chemical dealers and gas industrialists want to keep these Gasses Glasses for themselves or worse yet, destroy them so no one can see all the toxic pollution which these major industries are spilling into the atmosphere.

In the beginning a freshman bug-eyed geek of a chemistry student is razzed by his fellow students. Part of the initiation for his fraternity was to hold him down and take turns flagellating on his face. He has this condition that when he gets a concentrated gas in his eyes it makes him cry.  It is sort of like cutting onions.  This disturbs the geek so much, but, it also puts an idea in his head (the real discovery of the origin of gasses glasses is secret, but, fits in). That is when he goes back to the lab with his professor’s help and discovers the Gasses Glasses.

He wears the glasses walking across campus laughing hysterically at the sight of actually seeing fellow students and professors’ flagellating.  It’s all fun and games at this time.  He points out who is farting.  With a little inquiring he is able, after a while, to determine the quantity and ingredients that were consumed by others.  This is based off the color, size and shape of the bubbles.  The bubbles duration also indicates the composition.

The student’s name is William Weap.  He is in his second year and of the geek type for sure.  He hasn’t decided on a major. But, he wants to do something cool.  So, after discovering these glasses he knows he’s on the right track.

His professor is of a different sort. He has racked up a debt and tries to sell the gasses glasses to an unknown buyer.  Such a buyer is willing to sell to the highest bidder some of which are pure evil.

WILLIAM Weap: 1st year geek goes to

These gasses glasses have many more different uses than seeing colorful shapely farts.  Gas stations can meter how much of wasted fuel evaporates from their pumps. Other polluters can be halted by the government…and taco stands can track their customers.

The major buyer of the gasses glasses is a country that wants to use chemical weapons to occupy their neighboring countries and go unnoticed.  The gasses glasses would reveal such an act.

The only worthy group to really possess the gasses glasses are an under-ground group that actually wants to protect the world from the evil whether they are terrorists, dictators or greedy.  They are the middle class.  Anonymously, they form their own group of world savers.  They find where other groups try to harm others in mass quantities and bring them to a halt and justice. Sometimes help those individuals that are less fortunate.

All of these groups chase each other and Willie and the professor around in circles.  Meanwhile they are the only two who know how the gasses glasses work and they see really weird gasses everywhere.  Some are good and some are awful.  But, they are everywhere; you just can’t see them with the naked eye. A bad example is the Coronavirus.

After getting his invention into the right hands, Willie joins the group and uses his gasses glasses to save the world just like he always wanted.


This is Discussing #disgusting


Shhh Thanks for the bribe

By Mr. Trump winning the impeachment trial all is becoming his world. His head is now exploding. Just like that resemblance balloon floating around at an anti-Trump rally. Now it makes him look good. It’s like a bully is brought to the principal’s office and the principal let’s him go because of a technicality. That just makes the bully go on a rampage pulling girls hair, kicking kids in the shin walking down the hallway and even shooting the bird to the teachers.

Now if he wasn’t a spoiled brat I could almost like him. But, his flaunting of his power and money and womanizing, it is just disgusting.  I believe I know someone similar to this, but, not with the power to send thousands of armies into action and put their lives on the line. There is some strategy to show your muscles indicating that you are prepared to fight if necessary. But to show it to yourself in front of a mirror with everyone watching is utterly unbecoming. And makes your enemies think you are crazy making them mistrust you even more (which can become very chaotic).
To have a trial without evidence is like a story without a picture. You want to picture the definition of “quid pro quo” but it is a foriegn language. It does get translated to English but you sort of lose something. Have you ever spoke with someone from a foreign language and they laugh at you because you mispronounced something that changed the word drastically. It is disgusting in that person’s mind. But, if you show them a picture on your cellphone they say oooh. Now they got it. And that’s a foreign language! Many people in the South have a hard time being understood from the rest of Americans. And basically that can be said from portions of Americans across the United States. Each area has there own twang. And don’t forget about Hawaiians and Alaskans. The point is it is so much easier to understand what someone is describing with material evidence. Those Republicans that voted against material evidence being allowed should be jailed for 60 days. Do you need evidence to prove they were wrong for not allowing evidence》No. Mr. Barr holds none accountable but, he could. Look at Mr. Nixon, he tried to punish 200 of his adversaries for their innocence.
This country doesn’t need division anymore. We need an independent that everyone knows. Unfortunately the best pick is a movie star. A honest, funny, dependable, generous person, exmilitary would be great, someone like Mr. Clint Eastwood would work except he may be a NRA advocate.
The point is to make America wonderful again. It is disgusting that America is the laughingstock of the world. Instead of a bully, egomaniac, groping country we should be the kind and generous country.

Statues to me

Statue in Richmond
A hero for all

Statues go way back. The first statues were to honor the gods. Being nice to the gods was very nice. And in return they will be nice to you and protect you. You depict them the way you want. Who can argue? Perhaps if someone takes over your country they can tear down and mount their own god.
The Gods slowly eliminated each other down to one last standing.
Then the dictators were honored with statues by there own request or the people who served them. Even Mr. Putin approved a statue of himself. Guess who is next?

St. Francis
St. Francis, Animal Lover

Then in a more civilized society statues were depicted for our brothers and sisters who had died for us and those to come. But, in the case of the Civil War some honor some heroes and not others. That is understandable. Those that wish they hadn’t lost the war wish to hold on to memories of what it could have been like. Sort of like the rebel flag. If they acknowledge they lost then it makes them feel like losers. But, before the war they were part of a great country and once again they are. If some people are offended by statues in the middle of an intersection they should not have to; out of courtesy. Germany doesn’t have any statues of Hitler. Though those two should not be compared; it is an example of bygone being bygones. Instead of having statues scattered about they should move all the Civil War heroes to “Civil War Parks”. Then if you want a little history you can visit and relive the free world.

My heroes
Little men, big hearts

PS- I grew up on the rough side of town. I probably lost a fight every other day. I had to get over it or else. Come to think about it: the kids that kicked my butt were mostly bigger than me because the smaller ones knew better.


Knight, some nights

...Ali of thoughts

    >Does it make you think?

…Ali of thoughts

Have you ever wondered what someone else was thinking? Mostly you look at them and their facial expression and you semi-immediatly know what they are thinking. You go to a fast food place with your kid and you look up at the menu and you look over to your kid and you see the smile from ear to ear and eyes wide open. We all know what that means.
People are very similar in many ways and the brain is no different. Yes they come in different colors, sizes and matter. But, they all develop differently with age, exercise and feeding. There are also other factors such as sports and accidents. Football should switch to inflated/balloon helmets and stop direct hits at the line of scrimmage. It is a tough guy game but, if you don’t learn the dangers then they will outsmart you. #Ali
In junior high school I was bussed to the other side of town. On the first day I got in a fight. I was winning when I got struck from behind. From then on everyone wanted to prove themselves and fight me. Some won and some lost. I know how Mahamad Ali felt. One day hanging out behind the gym I walked up to a couple guys. And one of ’em says ‘hey run’. Without thinking I started running and lord to behold a rock hits me in the head. #Ali
Then there was the U.S. Navy where we had a little coming home party. I was about to leave and out of NOWHERE this fellow shipmate co-cocked me. I think I passed out. #Ali
Then there was the time I went to Baltimore to watch a baseball game. Afterward I decided to take a walk. These two guys were coming at me smiling from ear to ear and as they walked past…one of them punched me in the face and knocked me down. #Ali
You won’t believe this one, but, anyway…I was walking with a friend after drinking at a bar in Manhattan. My friend said RUN! And I said ‘what?’ and a van pulled over. The passenger jumped out and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. I woke up the next morning in a hospital. The Doc kept trying to xray my head. But, not knowing where I was or what happened…I kept hiding the x-ray plate under my mattress. #Ali
Another time at a bar in Fairfax, VA I got in a fight in the parking lot. This guy was sitting on my chest and started banging my head on the asphalt. #Ali
My coiffeusse said my head looked like a road map. The point is: too much head damage can effect your thinking. I think.
Then there are the effects of alchohol on the brain. They say my father and grandfather both had alzheimer’s symptoms even though it wasn’t known at the time. They both drank alot. With the nut/tree reference; I’m in a lot of trouble. #Ali

It probably doesn’t help to be the youngest of five where your siblings like to spin you in the clothes dryer. #airfluff


Lone soles blues

Lost at land
Walkin’ on ‘d dock of ‘d bay

Hearing about people walking in parks or on the streets getting mugged all the time is despicable. People should always pair up before taking a walk. Unless they are close proximity to one another and have it planned to meet. But from a criminal aspect, crooks don’t want to hold up, rape or terrorise unless it is a person going solo. It is just too much trouble to deal with two people at once.

Climbing through storm sewer pipe was an old pastime. Perhaps just getting lost was a good way to pass the time. But, it’s always interesting and time consuming. It’s like exploring places not on maps.

Walking alone you may believe is enlightening. You get to talk to yourself without getting interrupted with some one liner that really doesn’t make sense. But, you can walk with someone and maybe ignore them, on and off. They may even ignore you. Henry David Thoreau really liked walking, but, he was mostly a loner and he didn’t have to worry about being mugged.
And like walking the same goes with walking your dog, jogging, swimming, camping and biking. You have to team up. ‘Two’s company’ was an accurate method of satisfying one’s request to brother up with another. Plus, most sidewalks are only sized for two. By the way, when you see someone come from the opposing direction slide over behind your friend and stay to the right (like the way Americans drive). And also smile and wave to them. That is just being kind and understanding. Another noble thing you can do is take a trash bag with you. At the very least is not to throw trash on the ground!
In the Navy there was an unwritten rule when going ashore in any port you were to go with another. That way someone always had your back.


Comin’ out of the Chartroom #closet

Hey! Knucklehead…Close the door!

The navy really was an adventure. I joined bootcamp on my 18th birthday. I had to get out of Memphis. My superior joked at me.  We had to shit, shower and shave in 10 minutes. Me, having never shaved before, cut myself a few times. He joked that most recruits don’t try to commit suicide until 2 or 3 weeks in. That is when it all began.
In “A-school” I was in the top 10% of the class. By doing so I was offered to jump from E-1 to E-4 if I signed up for another year (5 total). Never having been aboard a ship (3 or 4 months in) I assumed what’s another year it will be an adventure.
Well time went by. I got in fights with my shipmates. Fell in love with a few girls. Navigated by the stars and had a great time in many foriegn ports.
Off the coast of Beirut we fired flares on the beach to let the enemy know we know where they are. At the same time the Captain and Navigator were in a tiff because someone didn’t sharpen the pencils. That may be where the bad attitude flared up. I guess I always had a bad attitude. Maybe it is more of a rebellious attitude.  Because I was always happy.
Then there is the time we ran aground in Helsinki and the Captain got fired and the Navigator got a promotion.
Mr. Reagan started a war on drugs (when at one time my boss was the chief dealer aboard) and cut costs on the Navy (Never Again Voluteer Yourself). Which in turn meant get rid of some sailors.
That’s when I started getting in trouble. I was accused of stealing, aka making use of some old binoculars stored in the storage bin aka garbage when we got brand new binoculars. Then I was accused of cussing out a superior officer because he got the keys to my truck and parked it on the pier trying to lure me in. It probably didn’t help when the Assistant Navigator ordered me to post on the bulletin board our chain of command. And I misspelled the abreviation for Assistant.
Because I went UA to New Orleans on a trip already planned and paid for. Then there was misconduct when I brought aboard a female companion with some non-alcoholic beer. And finally back to the drug test I guess I passed with flying colors. All of these mistakes added up and got me kicked out a few months before I was supposed to be discharged honorably.
I have been embarrassed about this for 30 years. It is a shame. My dad (3 years in the Navy) said he was ‘disappointed’ in me. That’s probably the worst of it all. That and losing my college money I saved up the whole time was negated; and still annoys me today. Now I am coming out of embarrassment, the closet and the chartroom -standing up for my first 4 years. Thankyou.

And a second thought or third, I watched all of these war movies growing up and they all had rebels.

…and…I like a Soap Opera #GH


A prison not my own

My bars are my own
Let me in?

Today is my lucky day. I was released from a mental institution and ready for a glass of wine. I’m not sure why I was put in there. I didn’t hurt anyone. Maybe I was mean to my wifee? But all wives deserve a little poking otherwise they would dominate you. Not spousal abuse; just a little ballast so the ship doesn’t sink.
I admit to forgetting stuff all the time but doesn’t everyone? Actually I forgot a lot of stuff. Maybe that was my problem. I forgot to remember stuff. I would keep asking the same questions over and over and forget the reason why I asked the question. I guess it gets annoying to others. But recently I have been taking … uh, Ginko, yes, and I believe it really works.
It is dangerous to forget where you are going and its actually dangerous for a lot of things. There are minor things like forgetting to feed the dog and major things like leaving the oven on. I don’t want to burn down the house even though I could use a little remodeling. #dontblameme
I remember visiting with my dad at his farm in Wisconsin. And he went to town to get some more beer. (Not like I had to have more beer?; #otherstory). He wasn’t at the local pub. He was driving up and down main street. I whistled at him and he pulled over. He said he forgot how to get home (after 20 years). I elected to drive him home and from then on it went down hill. He was put in a mental institution and he passed away a month later. The actual cause of death is a mystery. Maybe someone did him justice with a pillow, it is not in the records. Actually I forgot.
Some call it Alzheimer’s or maybe dementia. The ginko really helps. I used to have a nice career and all of a sudden I couldn’t add and subtract. I had to really think about it. What was very simple all of a sudden became difficult. The web helped to discover the ginko. A natural remedy for a bad memory, ginko is the answer. After taking ginko for a couple months you will feel a lot better about yourself. And that is what you really need. Feel good about yourself. This isn’t an advertising scheme for ginko, but, just a solution.
It is going to be so great to get back home, make a fire and drink a glass of wine. Maybe a little macramé blanket, a foot massage and a couple…Well we won’t get in to that. Just let your imagination run wild. And don’t forget to take your ginko!


The Day the Barn Burnt Down to the Ground

What smells?
Long gone

I wrote this song after my Dad burnt his own barn down. He was burning trash a little to close. When I was growing up (youngest of 5) I had to clean the barn because we all had chores to do and I was delegated to the task. One sibling told me if I clean the barn barefooted it would kill my ‘athletes foot’. Of course everyone knows that barns that store cattle all winter: the flooring isn’t just straw but also manure a foot or so deep.

Brother One: I was in the field bailing hay
when I saw the sky was black and gray
I hurried home, but, it was too late…

Sister: I was in town, shopping around
And bought a lovely gown
And was turned around, and it was too late…

Brother Two: I was canoeing down on the Wisconsin,
caught some fish and went a swimming and so was too late…

Brother three: I was at the neighbor’s, but I didn’t kiss her,
I didn’t even touch her, we were racing thru the cornfield and saw it too late…

Brother four: I wasn’t smoking weed,
I was cleaning the stalls, when a cow kicked over a lantern…

My great friend “Fred Kenny Price” provided the awesome music!


We can’t believe you

Chaotic weather can be controlled?

Temporarily Serious
Temporarily Serious

After watching a TV show about a court case, it sparked something. The person on trial was accused of fraud because no one believed him. He said he had a plan to remedy, not global warming, but chaotic weather. Global warming may take some time, but, perhaps reducing chaotic weather is a good start.
His theory was because aircraft exhaust was so hot and it shoots the exhaust in such cold air that it must churn up the upper atmosphere. And not only churn up the temperature but also churn up the barometric pressure. Both of those are near impossible to see to the naked eye. It is understandable people don’t believe anything if they can’t see it; or smell or taste it or hear it or touch it, yadda yadda yadda. It is only religion people believe without any proof.
Actually maybe God is mad because we are ruining the earth. Beware of lightning.
So many people claim they are 100 percent sure about something. And maybe they are 100 percent ‘sure’, but, that doesn’t mean they are 100 percent correct. The weatherman says 90 percent chance of rain. A bull-spitter will say he is sure a 100 percent about anything, etc. You can guarantee (100%) if you flip the light switch; the light will come on. But, what if the light bulb is out or there is a bad connection?
And what if 150,000 aircraft a day around the world were churning up the tropopause (the barrier between two different atmospheres) creating patches of unpredictable weather conditions? What are the odds? If you say you are totally sure that it is impossible then maybe you are right. What if since aircraft do effect the upper atmosphere maybe they could be used to create a high pressure system which is caused by a concentration of hot air. The theory is if (maybe 30-40) aircraft were deployed to create a circle or oval pattern in a particular area in a clockwise direction then maybe we can create our own high pressure system. By using this method in an area where the eye of the hurricane is tracking toward an island, perhaps it can be diverted or at least slowed down. Now nobody can guarantee this will work. But, we could give it a try. There is a model that weather persons could use to test it on a smaller scale. Or the next time there is a hurricane one of those many billionaires could find such a cause.
There is also the issue of if you divert the storm it is just going to hit somewhere else. But, not if you slow it down. If you create a high pressure system the low pressure system will then decrease. At least according the dude accused of fraud.


Made in China

>of course it aint mine

…sold in the U.S.A

Everybody buys the cheap stuff from China. But, what they don’t know is the cheap stuff won’t last for long. It’s called planned obsolescence. The guts inside a toilet will break or trick you into thinking it is broken. And you can’t let the toilet run all day. China makes everything disposable. Everything is made to disintegrate or erode in a short time. My nephew, Sam sung with his choir and in the middle of a song the microphone bricked up. Why? Because after the warranty expires the devices such as computers, tablets, phones will brick up.  Then you have to buy a new one. Everything is disposable. My new garden hose broke at the spigot. If you buy some hand lotion it feels good. Then when you are near the bottom the tube doesn’t go all the way to the bottom. It stops about an inch short so you will throw it away even though there is still a lot left. You buy ice-cream and it is whipped up so you buy by the container and not by the pound. My father-in-law got a pacemaker about seven years ago. And last week he had a heart attack because one of the valves eroded. Talk about a broken heart. He survived.

Everything goes in the garbage or recycle bin. Which ones goes back to China? I didn’t know China was taking our recyclables for the last twenty or so years. China quit taking our recyclables, now where do they go? Do we burn them or dump them in the ocean. Who knows, you can’t even ‘google it’ because secrets are kept for the 1%. I remember in the navy we would through our bags of garbage over the side before leaving international waters. Do they still? Does every ship do it?

I like grocery stores that encourage people to bring their own bags. One time I was driving across a Hawaiian island and there were dozens and dozens of bags floating around like an enlarged snow globe.

Who fixes stuff anymore? I went to vacation at Smith Mountain Lake. I ripped my swim trunks. I asked my other family members if anyone had a needle and thread and they looked at me like they had never heard of it. The next day my wife went out and bought me a new pair. The couch got a rip. Guess what. We need a new sofa.


A Homage to Holly

…no, not Buddy Holly, silly-

I Didn’t Do It!

My mom came home and asked me
what happened to this room?
She said it was a mess.
I didn’t do it!

(chorus) I said my dog did it, yes. Why do I always get blamed?

My dog is such a trickster. I ain’t dat smart. It is your guess.

We were at a funeral and
there was a loud noise
everyone looked at me with disgust!
I didn’t do it!
I said my dog did it, yes. Why do I always get blamed?

My teacher asked me to turn in my homework
but it looked like a mess.
I didn’t do it!
I said my dog did it, yes. Why do I always get blamed?

We went to the beach and
she had a nice tan.
Her top came off!
I didn’t do it!

I said my dog did it, yes. Why do I always get blamed?


The Storm-Drain Diaper

Catching a lot of crap!

Storm Diaper
No Shit

A couple years ago I volunteered to help clean the trash from my neighborhood creek/park (note: the acronym NAVY means ‘Never Again Volunteer Yourself’). Well there was a lot of trash which mostly came from up hill from the neighboring shopping center. It is a shame that people throw trash on the ground. I guess they expect other people to follow behind them to pick it up. In the old movies people, mostly men, would throw cigarettes on the ground to be cool. Think of children walking around and pick up a cigarette butt. That is disgusting. Some still throw it on the ground at the golf course. Go figure. And the shopping center should be responsible for litter on their site to prevent it from going into the storm system. Then there are the homeowners. Some just throw stuff over their fence which adjoins the creek/park. Why would they do that? There is ample county pickup available.

The Storm-Drain Diaper is just a plain old chain link fence. First, I found some scrap fence on my neighbor’s yard that backed up to mine. They said I could have it if I wanted it. Second, I cut the fence in half. Then I tied each end to end and before you know it, it looked like a baseball diamond. With the storm pipe as home plate the game was ready to begin. My first mistake was to tie down the diaper with huge rocks from the creek. Then came a ‘100-year flood’ and semi-totally washed away the diaper. That hurt my feelings and I almost scrapped the crap. Then it hit me, the Navy’s oldest shank, an anchor should prevent it from flowing down stream and it worked. We haven’t had a 100-year flood yet, but hopefully she will hold. Meanwhile I go down and check on it about every third rain. It works great. I must separate the leaves from the trash, but it is a lot easier to pick up the trash there then to go all the way down the creek.

Perhaps this Storm-Drain Diaper can be used in multiple storm outlets. They do require periotic maintenance. It would help also if people didn’t throw trash on the ground. And with some people with trucks it blows out of the truck bed. You can’t change that diaper. #knucklehead



…little birdies in one round of golf->A gander of gosling.

Playing golf is fun. It is challenging and offers a lot of exercise. I mostly enjoy being partnered with others, it’s called ‘walking on’. When you get partnered with others whom you haven’t met makes it very interesting. Then I get to recycle my jokes and golf stories. And at the end of the day after the ninth hole I shake their hands and always say ‘see you tomorrow’.  I would like to demand you don’t shake hands on the last green, but, do it after you leave the green allowing the group behind you a chance to the same.

The best part of golf and what really makes me feel great is to make a birdie. They don’t come very often, but, boy when they do, it is awesome. But, just because you make a birdie you can’t get too excited. Actually, the important thing is to just brush it off, just like you do when you make a bogey. ‘C’est-la-golf’ means “that’s golf”. Just like life, you live with what you have. Except in golf you live with what you have just done. If you make a birdie or a bogey, you have to continue forward.

I actually enjoy making a good shot. The score doesn’t really matter very much either.  If you make a perfect shot 5 feet from the hole and still miss the putt, it’s ok because the perfect shot was awesome.

I also claim in the summertime I enjoy hitting it in the woods because it is so much cooler. That is my excuse for hitting them there. I also aim four degrees to the left to help the ball go into the center of the fairway. That works about half of the time #selagolf. Another trick of mine is to aim for the sand trap knowing I can’t hit where I aim. That works a lot. And then there is the beer. I call it aiming fluid, but, it is really a relaxer. I only have a couple beers. And I mostly play nine holes. I don’t want to have too much fun. I tell everyone my favorite number is fore! And my wife’s favorite letter is… why?

I also get a mulligan per nine holes. It helps to keep me honest. Yes, my yard is mad at me when I am supposed to be doing yard work and I sneak out and play golf. The yard is always quite, but, I can feel it. It will grow out of it. Rarely using a golf cart I get a good workout. Though I don’t carry my bag, I use a pull cart. The only sad part is finishing that last hole and not knowing when you are going to play next.



…and pick up that garbage-

>Just a walk in the park.

Exercise is the second way to live. First of course is eating. But, exercise is so easy. Try walking. I try to walk everyday in addition to normal life. I have a nice little park a few blocks away. There is a beautiful little stream running through it. But, wait, I mean STOP and pick up that garbage!

I understand it is gross, but, we are needlessly defacing our planet and our offspring’s planet. Many people walk their dog and carry a little bag to contain their dogs’ litter. That is very kind of them. Some of them wear gloves, some carry a little shovel and some just use a little bag, pick up the stuff and turn the bag inside out and voila’ the stuff is contained.

It is a great idea to take a walk and pick up someone else’s trash. But, what about the idea of NOT throwing trash on the ground in the first place. Just hold on to it until you walk by the proper place to unload it; like a garbage can.

This may sound a little harsh, but, really, don’t be like a stray dog.

Adopting a highway is one of the best ideas ever. I once adopted a stretch of road. I got a sign with my name on it and everything. Yes, and it said “Dan Shea and Friends”. It’s funny as the cleaning episodes passed so did my friends.

Once I was walking around the block. And in front of me twenty paces were these three high school students. One of them threw a soda fountain cup on the ground. I, being a good samaritan and don’t know how to mind my own business, whistled at them and told him to pick it up. He looked confused like no one had ever corrected him before.

Henry David Thoreau once said “I am alarmed when it happens that I have walked a mile into the woods bodily, without getting there in spirit.” They didn’t have a bunch of trash laying around the place back then. Or he might have said “the path we walk was laid by our forefathers and intended for future generations, so, STOP, and pick up that garbage!”

Well, it is time to get some more exercise. Someone has to go to the store and get something for somebody.



…remember me-

>Photo from Washington Post Magazine story contest.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hi, you probably don’t remember me, but”… replied in a raspy yet innocent tone. “We were in the fourth and fifth grade together.”

“What time is it?” She answered. “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nine-o’clock there I think. It’s four in the morning here in Hawaii.” “Hawaii?” She answered. “Yes. Actually I’m in Wahuhu at the Hawaii Falls. I’m sitting here looking at the waterfalls right now. It’s unbelievable. I’m sitting here with my campfire in the foreground and the waterfall in the background. So, it looks like the waterfall is cascading into the fire. Well, you need a little imagination also. And I know you have a terrific imagination.” “Who is this again?” She answered. “Oh, I’m sorry this is…no, let’s see if you remember me. I remember you. I think about you all the time. I remember we used to fantasize about all kinds of stuff.” She rolls over, her long blond hair gently rolling over the silk sheets.

“I remember we made up our own cartoons. Remember? We made clay figures. They had little bodies with big round heads. We would use our two thumbs to form the face making the eyes and nose all at once; and get this, they were from Pluto! “What are you on?” She answered. “I’m on Maui, didn’t I say? I love it here. I’m thinking of moving here permanently.” He leans back in his hammock watching as the full moon gently floats over the waterfall. There are only two clouds and they seem to be escorting the moon on its cosmic journey. Oh my God, she’s right, I do sound pretty goofy (talking to him-self). “You don’t remember? We also fantasized about owning our own island. We made charts of it including quicksand and pineapple groves and waterfalls. I guess that is why I’m calling.” He takes a sip out of his hollowed out pineapple drink. No umbrella though. This is the real deal. Carve out the pineapple, pour in the rum, add back some of the crushed pineapple and viola, tropical concoction. No ice, no frills.

“Looking back, those things might have seemed a little masculine. Boyish, you know, I mean for you. But, we also had our own line of clothes that we designed, puffy sleeves and all. And believe me, with four older brothers, woo. You talk about peer pressure. I still hear about that at every Thanksgiving and Christmas. My brothers were good for me. They toughened me up. But, they also laid the groundwork for being able to get away with anything. They set a good example on what not to do. Most people say, ‘learn from your mistakes’. But, I had the advantage of learning from their mistakes.”

“I remember you wore this blue sweater that was sort of  ‘close-fitting’. It was covered with white stars. I fantasized, privately, about that sweater with the stars being cut out of it; shame on me. I don’t think I liked girls back then. Well I guess I did.” She sits up. Looks at the clock and rolls her eyes back. She pulls the slinky sheets over her breasts. “What are you talking about?” she answered.

“I guess you don’t remember me. Boy, do I remember you. When I was in the Navy I wrote a story about us, sort of. May I read it to you?” “Do you have it with you?” she answered. “Oh, yeah. I wrote it a long time ago. Then it was lost. So when I found it some years later folded up in my “Walden” book, I said to myself that I would keep it with me always just in case. Since then I’ve been carrying it around, I’ve gone through four wallets and with each new one I print out a new copy. So, be patient and I’ll read it to you, it will only take a minute.”

“This morning was a beautiful awakening. You scrambled the eggs with cheddar cheese and I brewed some fresh ground Columbian coffee. I also sliced up some fresh fruit. We had breakfast on the back patio. The babblings of the Saint Francis fountain stereo’s with the finches on the feeder. Our old chocolate lab just lays there content knowing that playtime was coming soon. I read the Sports and you the Style section. I gathered and rinsed the dishes. You put away the leftovers. We settled back in to our lazy Sunday morning state. I look across the table through a bushy little gardenia. You glance back and wink. We silently agree a nap is in order. We snuggle and spoon until we doze off. The dreams we dream are coming true every day. Then, startled by the massive presence and the persistent licking of the face, we woke up.” 

“That’s you and I?” she answered. “I guess and maybe a chocolate lab. I was thinking of you when I wrote it. As I go through life I meet various people. Never have I met a more beautiful, smart and friendly person as you. I know we all change a little with time. And maybe you have changed a little to the negative nature, but how am I to know until we meet again.” “Do you want to meet?” she answered. “Hawaii is great all year round. But, I’m here now. Could you get away for a couple weeks? I’ll pick you up at the airport.”

“Who are you again?” she answered. “Oh, that’s right, I didn’t say. I’m Billy Robinson. I sat next to you in the fourth grade and coincidentally in the fifth grade also.” “My goodness. How did you find my number?” she answered. As she awakens she remembers a little more and more. A smile comes to her face as she reaches to remove the sleep from her eyes. “I ‘googled’ you. All I had to do was type in your name and city and viola, your phone number came up.” “Are you the same Billy ‘the Bully’ Robinson that knocked me down and stole my panties?” …Click!

“Hello… hello?”… He answered.





Survive or thrive

…What is this world coming to?

>Our home is yours.

Henry David Thoreau once said “Humility like darkness reveals the heavenly lights”. His best works were written when he was humble. But, he was not living in a shack his whole life, but, only a few years. The rest of his life he thrived. I always tried to be humble like HDT. I believe I could have been rich and famous if not for HDT. But, now I’m over the hill, I’m looking at a retirement plan or lack there of.

Some people inherited their money, some worked their butts off and some got lucky. It is very difficult to switch from a humble land surveyor making a descent living to someone trying to thrive. Not even thrive so much, but, just enough to make a comfortable retirement.

It may be too late to go back and finish college; plus that would cost a great deal and I am overly frugal. So, that will make it difficult to change professions. The new way to thrive is to get something #posted on the internet. My own website (iisheadan.com) has failed to bring an agent to help me get off the ground. My ideas include paintings, stories, songs, phone apps, inventions, solutions to climatic change and houses so cheap it would house all those in concentration camps around the world trying to survive.

My retirement plan could be nullified if the 1% have their way to make the rich get richer and the poor more poorer. The 1% is thriving more than ever. They are the new royalty. Except they are fighting each other to see who can make the most money. When they should be fighting to be the most generous.

To thrive or survive?, that is the question.


The sky is whinin’

…Look at the hail rolling down the street-

>It’s not so clear, anymore.

Looking at the forecast for the next week you can plan ahead by guessing the weather will be the opposite of what the meteorologists claim. That is today’s weather summary.

This is more about global climate changing and not global warming. The predictability of the weather is getting more difficult all the time. The main culprit to this weather chaos is all the jetliners flying high speeds at high altitudes and high heat swirling and vortexing around countering the natural atmosphere. All of this combined changes the upper atmosphere’s barometric pressure.

The U.S. Postal Service utilizes flights by others. But, the whole world has a combined total of more than 120,000 flights a day. Fedex and UPS combine for approximately 40,000 flights per day; one third of all flights each day. Crazy huh? We could actually control the weather if we could control their flight patterns. That is, if we can control the routes that the airliners take. Instead of flights taking the shortest route they would take a route that would benefit a plan created by scientists. And we must immediately stop the flights going over the polar caps.

Traveling is great and getting there faster makes it more enjoyable. It may be necessary to travel less which is doable if necessary to save the world. But, worst of all are the package transporters who fly all over the place. Some delivering a dinner package overnight from New York to L.A.

Airliners in the upper atmosphere create heat and vortexes unnatural to normal earth systems. It’s like blowing a hairdryer into a fan. Throw water into that and you have a real mess.

The majority of flights utilize the jet stream to go with the flow and save some doe. That concentrates the turmoil.  Instead, perhaps the flights should be scheduled to fly in a web pattern which would evenly distribute the disruption.

If we could all work together the flights could be coordinated to add and subtract the necessary impact to neutralize the weather so it is the way it is supposed to be. Or we could actually utilize the jetliners to make the weather better for the necessary areas. If California is getting a little dry, flights could be rerouted to actually control the weather and give them a couple days of light rain. If every package didn’t have to be delivered the next day, those flights could be rerouted. The government needs to step in and first of all inspire colleges to research this theory. Once that is proven, it shouldn’t take long, create a committee that is not controlled by the airliner owners and have them evenly distribute the flight plans accordingly. By each airline given schedules, each will share responsibility and credit for saving the earth.

There once was a naval ship caught in a major storm in the Caribbean. The waves were larger than thirty feet. They were getting kicked around like a rubber duck in a kid’s bathtub. The captain got the bright idea to gather information concerning the barometric pressure in the general area. Who knows where he got this information. It was about the time when a computer was the size of an ice cream truck. He obtained a printout and it looked like a golf course contour map. The captain analyzed the data and saw a higher pressure system nearby. Having to continue to battle the storm the captain found his pocket of higher barometric pressure and he found safety. The waves were still large, but, the storm was about half as bad.

The point here is the jet engines in the upper atmosphere are also impacting the barometric pressure around the world. By manipulating the flight patterns and lowering the amount of air travel, #packaging, the weather can be manipulated and changed in our favor. Our favor, means the world’s favor. This isn’t just for the United States of America, but, for all. This is for the future of the world.

Jets flying in the upper atmosphere change the temperature and barometric pressure shifting air upwards. And by several jets flying in a clockwise direction at a radius of about 20 miles could create it’s own high pressure system. Add that to your weather model and see what happens. It can help divert a low pressure system like Hurricane Marie from hitting an island directly like Puerto Rico. Look at all the forest fires in California. It is creating it’s own high pressure system. So much so it is diverting the jet stream which is very rare.

The sky is cryin’ because the upper atmosphere is being ripped apart. When the upper atmosphere is naturally 60 degrees below zero and the jet exhaust is over 1,200 degrees above zero, who could argue?

Next read: flying-for-freedom


The Wave

…a good morning hello-

>Ride the wave.

Imagine going to a sporting event and the crowd starts doing the wave. Perhaps the announcer instigates the crowd or maybe just one fan stands up and throws his arms in the air and his neighbor joins in and his/her neighbor joins in. And before you know it the whole stadium is doing the wave. The wave circles around the arena like a swirl of pea soup in a big melting pot. The jersey one is wearing does not matter nor the color of their skin. We are not here to judge one. We are here to have fun. Do the wave. Sing the National Anthem. Enjoy the event.

Walking down the road, just minding your own business a bicycler approaches. Letting loose of the handlebars the bicycler raises a hand and waves. It is dangerous to ride a bike with one hand. What if they were to hit a pot hole. That could send them flying. Instead the bicycler kept on going like it was nothing.

Once at an inn on the southern end of the Black Forest there were a couple tourists. They were coming downstairs for breakfast when a fellow tenant exclaimed ‘moggin’ and then another and another. Before you know it everyone has greeted the latest patron that came down the stairs. Guess what happened next. Another tenant came down and it started all over again. With all the ‘moggin-moggins’ going around the place sounded like a chicken coup. There was one person who chose not to speak, but, they did wave.

Laying on the beach, a good rest is necessary. After building the most luxurious sand castle with a mote and flags one needs the rest. One also has to stand guard to prevent silly children from accidentally crashing into it. Absorbing sunlight and converting it to vitamin D is also necessary. Then calling from the beautiful beach house a wave from the spousal unit. What could she want? All I asked her to do was to wave when the high tide was coming in.




Dan’s Date Stamp

…an app for the ages.

This app idea reinvents “safe sex”. But, because the expense of building an app it can’t be built yet. But, when this goes viral it may even become a requirement just like the requirement for car insurance. Youths sixteen and over will be required to download and sign up.

The purpose of this application is to allow anyone, including college students, movie stars, professional athletes and politicians to register themselves before having sexual intercourse and indicating that they agree to have sex. Of course all registries information will be confidential. By registering and entering their private and confidential password they agree the sex they are about to indulge in is purely consenting. This will eliminate many “date rape” allegations and protect those that want consensual sex from worrying about future allegations. Also, by taking the time to login and enter the secret password it will allow all parties the time to reconsider having sex. And if alcohol is involved, requiring the password to be entered will also require consciousness.

DansDateStamp is a temporary name. Perhaps it could be called “Dad’s Date Stamp”. The idea of this app, which can be considered a sexual contract, is for the protection of both parties engaged in a sexual encounter. In today’s society people are being accused of non-consensual sex. Some accuse others of rape. With this app both parties agree to have sex and this information is stored in a secure database. This app is for the benefit of both parties. In addition to the storage of this information for future needs, two individuals initially decide to have safe sex and even repeat customers (all participants can return to their app with a private password) still have to go to the app, initialize the DATE STAMP and go through the last chance to change their mind. This app makes “safe sex, safer”.

And there will be no bragging rights.  The information won’t be accessible by any Internet hackers. An email will be sent to each participant and what they want to do with their privacy is up to them.

With the development of this app more functions can be added such as listings of preferences, communicable diseases, etc. The only ones that don’t want this app are the ones who don’t respect other’s needs. In addition to those people who care about no one but themselves. So many people now regret not having information about people whom they slept with. Image a sailor having a girl in every port without casting thy bread upon the water. That is, some people are in it just for the fun of it and don’t care about the results. Though it is fun there is an extreme amount of responsibility that goes with it. With this app both parties have to take responsibility.