Get the cat outahere!

Two guesses, Dumb Shit Retirement Fund or Dan Shea Retirement Fund. Either one it doesn’t matter. This article is meant to inspire my siblings to share the wealth. I mean just a little bit of money they can spare. I’m trying to retire early because I am mentally challenged (if that is the correct term). My grandfather might have had Alzheimer’s disease. They put him away because he faught with a black police officer in Chicago back in the 60’s who pulled him over for speeding. Then my dad was put away for not being able to find his way home after getting me some beer going into town. Sounds like they have “awful-driver’s syndrome”. I think I have five or six DWI’s, but, who’s counting?

Anyway I would like to retire in the Caribbean islands somewhere. I can’t keep a job. The last three or four I was “let go” after the thirty day  test. Now I am afraid to even try. My memory is failing and I am afraid it runs in the family. I’m glad my tablet has spell check. (It just corrected “chek”). Anyway three out of four of my siblings are “millionaires”. You would think they want to help their baby brother after tormenting until he joined the Navy on his eighteenth birthday just to get the hell out of Memphis. That’s another story.

I am thinking of tons of Jimmy Buffett tunes lying on the beach checking out the scenery. Maybe I could get a job picking up trash on the beach! Or deliver drinks. After tasting them of course. Another reason I can’t keep a job. My beautiful wife enjoys working. That goes to mind that we need a divorce just so I can get out of her hair. I guess my half of the stuff we have is about $350,000. Even though “Paradise  is my backyard “. I have no idea how much that would last in the Caribbean. Maybe they would kick me out of there also?

It doesn’t help to wake up at four in the morning writing this crab. But, then we get in an argument about all the crap we have. I guess I’m heading for the Caribbean. Watch out Jimmy.



Published by Daniel Shea

I am a happily married knucklehead. Born in Chicago and raised in Memphis and Prairie du Chien Wis. I wish someone would benefit from my ideas. And I wish I didn't get so many spams. #niceday