The Storm Diaper

Catching a lot of crap!

Storm Diaper
No Shit

A couple years ago I volunteered to help clean the trash from my neighborhood creek/park (note: the acronym NAVY means ‘Never Again Volunteer Yourself’). Well there was a lot of trash which mostly came from up hill from the neighboring shopping center. It is a shame that people throw trash on the ground. I guess they expect other people to follow behind them to pick it up. In the old movies people, mostly men, would throw cigarettes on the ground to be cool. Think of children walking around and pick up a cigarette butt. That is disgusting. Some still throw it on the ground at the golf course. Go figure. And the shopping center should be responsible for litter on their site to prevent it from going into the storm system. Then there are the homeowners. Some just throw stuff over their fence which adjoins the creek/park. Why would they do that? There is ample county pickup available.

The Storm Diaper is just a plain old chain link fence. First, I found some scrap fence on my neighbor’s yard that backed up to mine. They said I could have it if I wanted it. Second, I cut the fence in half. Then I tied each end to end and before you know it, it looked like a baseball diamond. With the storm pipe as home plate the game was ready to begin. My first mistake was to tie down the diaper with huge rocks from then creek. Then came a ‘100-year flood’ and semi-totally washed away the diaper. That hurt my feelings and I almost scrapped the crap. Then it hit me, the Navy’s oldest shank, an anchor should prevent it from flowing down stream and it worked. We haven’t had a 100-year flood yet, but hopefully she will hold. Meanwhile I go down and check on it about every third rain. It works great. I must separate the leaves from the trash, but it is a lot easier to pick up the trash there then to go all the way down the creek.

Perhaps this Storm Diaper can be used in multiple storm outlets. They do require periotic maintenance. It would help also if people didn’t throw trash on the ground. And some people with trucks it blows out of the truck bed.

Fooore!

…little birdies in one round of golf->A gander of gosling.

Playing golf is fun. It is challenging and offers a lot of exercise. I mostly enjoy being partnered with others, it’s called ‘walking on’. When you get partnered with others whom you haven’t met makes it very interesting. Then I get to recycle my jokes and golf stories. And at the end of the day after the ninth hole I shake their hands and always say ‘see you tomorrow’.  I would like to demand you don’t shake hands on the last green, but, do it after you leave the green allowing the group behind you a chance to the same.

The best part of golf and what really makes me feel great is to make a birdie. They don’t come very often, but, boy when they do, it is awesome. But, just because you make a birdie you can’t get too excited. Actually, the important thing is to just brush it off, just like you do when you make a bogey. ‘C’est-la-golf’ means “that’s golf”. Just like life, you live with what you have. Except in golf you live with what you have just done. If you make a birdie or a bogey, you have to continue forward.

I actually enjoy making a good shot. The score doesn’t really matter very much either.  If you make a perfect shot 5 feet from the hole and still miss the putt, it’s ok because the perfect shot was awesome.

I also claim in the summertime I enjoy hitting it the woods because it is so much cooler. That is my excuse for hitting them there. I also aim four degrees to the left to help the ball go into the center of the fairway. That works about half of the time #selagolf. Another trick of mine it to aim for the sand trap knowing I can’t hit where I aim. That works a lot. And then there is the beer. I call it aiming fluid, but, it is really a relaxer. I only have a couple beers. And I mostly play nine holes. I don’t want to have too much fun. I tell everyone my favorite number is fore! And my wife’s favorite letter is… why?

I also get a mulligan per nine holes. It helps to keep me honest. Yes, my yard is mad at me when I am supposed to be doing yard work and I sneak out and play golf. The yard is always quite, but, I can feel it. It will grow out of it. Rarely using a golf cart I get a good workout. Though I don’t carry my bag, I use a pull cart. The only sad part is finishing that last hole and not knowing when you are going to play next.

STOP

…and pick up that garbage-

>Just a walk in the park.

Exercise is the second way to live. First of course is eating. But, exercise is so easy. Try walking. I try to walk everyday in addition to normal life. I have a nice little park a few blocks away. There is a beautiful little stream running through it. But, wait, I mean STOP and pick up that garbage!

I understand it is gross, but, we are needlessly defacing our planet and our offspring’s planet. Many people walk their dog and carry a little bag to contain their dogs’ litter. That is very kind of them. Some of them wear gloves, some carry a little shovel and some just use a little bag, pick up the stuff and turn the bag inside out and viola the stuff is contained.

It is a great idea to take a walk and pick up someone else’s trash. But, what about the idea of NOT throwing trash on the ground in the first place. Just hold on to it until you walk by the proper place to unload it; like a garbage can.

This may sound a little harsh, but, really, don’t be like a stray dog.

Adopting a highway is one of the best ideas ever. I once adopted a stretch of road. I got a sign with my name on it and everything. Yes, and it said “Dan Shea and Friends”. It’s funny as the cleaning episodes passed so did my friends.

Once I was walking around the block. And in front of me twenty paces were these three high school students. One of them threw a soda fountain cup on the ground. I, being a good Samaritan and don’t know how to mind my own business, whistled at them and told him to pick it up. He looked confused like no one had ever corrected him before.

Henry David Thoreau once said “I am alarmed when it happens that I have walked a mile into the woods bodily, without getting there in spirit.” They didn’t have a bunch of trash laying around the place back then. Or he might have said “the path we walk was laid by our forefathers and intended for future generations, so, STOP, and pick up that garbage!”

Well, it is time to get some more exercise. Someone has to go to the store and get something for somebody.

Hello

…remember me-

>Photo from Washington Post Magazine story contest.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hi, you probably don’t remember me, but”… replied in a raspy yet innocent tone. “We were in the fourth and fifth grade together.”

“What time is it?” She answered. “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nine there I think. It’s four in the morning here in Hawaii.” “Hawaii?” She answered. “Yes. Actually I’m in Wahuhu at the Hawaii Falls. I’m sitting here looking at the waterfalls right now. It’s unbelievable. I’m sitting here with my campfire in the foreground and the waterfall in the background. So, it looks like the waterfall is cascading into the fire. Well, you need a little imagination also. And I know you have a terrific imagination.” “Who is this again?” She answered. “Oh, I’m sorry this is…no, let’s see if you remember me. I remember you. I think about you all the time. I remember we used to fantasize about all kinds of stuff.” She rolls over, her long blond hair gently rolling over the silk sheets.

“I remember we made up our own cartoons. Remember? We made clay figures. They had little bodies with big round heads. We would use our two thumbs to form the face making the eyes and nose all at once; and get this, they were from Pluto! “What are you on?” She answered. “I’m on Maui, didn’t I say? I love it here. I’m thinking of moving here permanently.” He leans back in his hammock watching as the full moon gently floats over the waterfall. There are only two clouds and they seem to be escorting the moon on its cosmic journey. Oh my God, she’s right, I do sound pretty goofy (talking to him-self). “You don’t remember? We also fantasized about owning our own island. We made charts of it including quicksand and pineapple groves and waterfalls. I guess that is why I’m calling.” He takes a sip out of his hollowed out pineapple drink. No umbrella though. This is the real deal. Carve out the pineapple, pour in the rum, add back some of the crushed pineapple and viola, tropical concoction. No ice, no frills.

“Looking back, those things might have seemed a little masculine. Boyish, you know, I mean for you. But, we also had our own line of clothes that we designed, puffy sleeves and all. And believe me, with four older brothers, woo. You talk about peer pressure. I still hear about that at every Thanksgiving and Christmas. My brothers were good for me. They toughened me up. But, they also laid the groundwork for being able to get away with anything. They set a good example on what not to do. Most people say, ‘learn from your mistakes’. But, I had the advantage of learning from their mistakes.”

“I remember you wore this blue sweater that was sort of  ‘close-fitting’. It was covered with white stars. I fantasized, privately, about that sweater with the stars being cut out of it; shame on me. I don’t think I liked girls back then. Well I guess I did.” She sits up. Looks at the clock and rolls her eyes back. She pulls the slinky sheets over her breasts. “What are you talking about?” she answered.

“I guess you don’t remember me. Boy, do I remember you. When I was in the Navy I wrote a story about us, sort of. May I read it to you?” “Do you have it with you?” she answered. “Oh, yeah. I wrote it a long time ago. Then it was lost. So when I found it some years later folded up in my ‘Walden” book’, I said to myself that I would keep it with me always just in case. Since then I’ve been carrying it around, I’ve gone through four wallets and with each new one I print out anew copy. So, be patient and I’ll read it to you, it will only take a minute.”

“This morning was a beautiful awakening. You scrambled the eggs with cheddar cheese and I brewed some fresh ground Columbian coffee. I also sliced up some fresh fruit. We had breakfast on the back patio. The babblings of the Saint Francis fountain stereo’s with the finches on the feeder. Our old chocolate lab just lays there content knowing that playtime was coming soon. I read the Sports and you the Style section. I gathered and rinsed the dishes. You put away the leftovers. We settled back in to our lazy Sunday morning state. I look across the table through a bushy little gardenia. You glance back and wink. We silently agree a nap is in order. We snuggle and spoon until we doze off. The dreams we dream are coming true every day. Then, startled by the massive presence and the persistent licking of the face, we woke up.” 

“That’s you and I?” she answered. “I guess and maybe a chocolate lab. I was thinking of you when I wrote it. As I go through life I meet various people. Never have I met a more beautiful, smart and friendly person as you. I know we all change a little with time. And maybe you have changed a little to the negative nature, but how am I to know until we meet again.” “Do you want to meet?” she answered. “Hawaii is great all year round. But, I’m here now. Could you get away for a couple weeks? I’ll pick you up at the airport.”

“Who are you again?” she answered. “Oh, that’s right, I didn’t say. I’m Billy Robinson. I sat next to you in the forth grade and coincidentally in the fifth grade also.” “My goodness. How did you find my number?” she answered. As she awakens she remembers a little more and more. A smile comes to her face as she reaches to remove the sleep from her eyes. “I ‘googled’ you. All I had to do was type in your name and city and viola, your phone number came up.” “Are you the same Billy ‘the Bully’ Robinson that knocked me down and stole my panties?” …Click!

“Hello… hello?”… He answered.

 

 

 

Survive or thrive

…What is this world coming to?

>Our home is yours.

Henry David Thoreau once said “Humility like darkness reveals the heavenly lights”. His best works were written when he was humble. But, he was not living in a shack his whole life, but, only a few years. The rest of his life he thrived. I always tried to be humble like HDT. I believe I could have been rich and famous if not for HDT. But, now I’m over the hill, I’m looking at a retirement plan or lack there of.

Some people inherited their money, some worked there butts off and some got lucky. It is very difficult to switch from a humble land surveyor making a descent living to someone trying to thrive. Not even thrive so much, but, just enough to make a comfortable retirement.

It may be too late to go back and finish college; plus that would cost a great deal and I am overly frugal. So, that will make it difficult to change professions. The new way to thrive is to get something #posted on the internet. My own website (iisheadan.com) has failed to bring an agent to help me get off the ground. My ideas include paintings, stories, songs, phone apps, inventions, solutions to climatic change and houses so cheap it would house all those in concentration camps around the world trying to survive.

My retirement plan could be nullified if the 1% have their way to make the rich get richer and the poor more poorer. The 1% is thriving more than ever. They are the new royalty. Except they are fighting each other to see who can make the most money. When they should be fighting to be the most generous.

To thrive or survive?, that is the question.

The sky is cryin’

…Look at the hail rolling down the street-

>It’s not so clear, anymore.

Looking at the forecast for the next week you can plan ahead by guessing the weather will be the opposite of what the meteorologists claim. That is today’s weather summary.

This is more about global climate changing and not global warming. The predictability of the weather is getting more difficult all the time. The main culprit to this weather chaos is all the jetliners flying high speeds at high altitudes and high heat swirling and vortexing around countering the natural atmosphere. All of this combined changes the upper atmosphere’s barometric pressure.

The U.S. Postal Service utilizes flights by others. But, the whole world has a combined total of more than 120,000 flights a day. Fedex and UPS combine for approximately 40,000 flights per day; one third of all flights each day. Crazy huh? We could actually control the weather if we could control their flight patterns. That is, if we can control the routes that the airliners take. Instead of flights taking the shortest route they would take a route that would benefit a plan created by scientists. And we must immediately stop the flights going over the polar caps.

Traveling is great and getting there faster makes it more enjoyable. It may be necessary to travel less which is doable if necessary to save the world. But, worst of all are the package transporters who fly all over the place. Some delivering a dinner package overnight from New York to L.A.

Airliners in the upper atmosphere create heat and vortexes unnatural to normal earth systems. It’s like blowing a hairdryer into a fan. Throw water into that and you have a real mess.

The majority of flights utilize the jet stream to go with the flow and save some doe. That concentrates the turmoil.  Instead, perhaps the flights should be scheduled to fly in a web pattern which would evenly distribute the disruption.

If we could all work together the flights could be coordinated to add and subtract the necessary impact to neutralize the weather so it is the way it is supposed to be. Or we could actually utilize the jetliners to make the weather better for the necessary areas. If California is getting a little dry, flights could be rerouted to actually control the weather and give them a couple days of light rain. If every package didn’t have to be delivered the next day, those flights could be rerouted. The government needs to step in and first of all inspire colleges to research this theory. Once that is proven, it shouldn’t take long, create a committee that is not controlled by the airliner owners and have them evenly distribute the flight plans accordingly. By each airline given schedules, each will share responsibility and credit for saving the earth.

There once was a naval ship caught in a major storm in the Caribbean. The waves were larger than thirty feet. They were getting kicked around like a rubber duck in a kid’s bathtub. The captain got the bright idea to gather information concerning the barometric pressure in the general area. Who knows where he got this information. It was about the time when a computer was the size of an ice cream truck. He obtained a printout and it looked like a golf course contour map. The captain analyzed the data and saw a higher pressure system nearby. Having to continue to battle the storm the captain found his pocket of higher barometric pressure and he found safety. The waves were still large, but, the storm was about half as bad.

The point here is the jet engines in the upper atmosphere are also impacting the barometric pressure around the world. By manipulating the flight patterns and lowering the amount of air travel, #packaging, the weather can be manipulated and changed in our favor. Our favor, means the world’s favor. This isn’t just for the United States of America, but, for all. This is for the future of the world.

Jets flying in the upper atmosphere change the temperature and barometric pressure shifting air upwards. And by several jets flying in a clockwise direction at a radius of about 20 miles could create it’s own high pressure system. Add that to your weather model and see what happens. It can help divert a low pressure system like Hurricane Marie from hitting an island directly like Puerto Rico. Look at all the forest fires in California. It is creating it’s own high pressure system. So much so it is diverting the jet stream which is very rare.

The sky is cryin’ because the upper atmosphere is being ripped apart. When the upper atmosphere is naturally 60 degrees below zero and the jet exhaust is over 1,200 degrees above zero, who could argue?

The Wave

…a good morning hello-

>Ride the wave.

Imagine going to a sporting event and the crowd starts doing the wave. Perhaps the announcer instigates the crowd or maybe just one fan stands up and throws his arms in the air and his neighbor joins in and his/her neighbor joins in. And before you know it the whole stadium is doing the wave. The wave circles around the arena like a swirl of pea soup in a big melting pot. The jersey one is wearing does not matter nor the color of their skin. We are not here to judge one. We are here to have fun. Do the wave. Sing the National Anthem. Enjoy the event.

Walking down the road, just minding your own business a bicycler approaches. Letting loose of the handlebars the bicycler raises a hand and waves. It is dangerous to ride a bike with one hand. What if they were to hit a pot hole. That could send them flying. Instead the bicycle kept on going like it was nothing.

Once at an inn on the southern end of the Black Forest there were a couple tourists. They were coming downstairs for breakfast when a fellow tenant exclaimed ‘moggin’ and then another and another. Before you know it everyone has greeted the latest patron that came down the stairs. Guess what happened next. Another tenant came down and it started all over again. With all the ‘moggin-moggins’ going around the place sounded like a chicken coup. There was one person who chose not to speak, but, they did wave.

Laying on the beach, a good rest is necessary. After building the most luxurious sand castle with a mote and flags one needs the rest. One also has to stand guard to prevent silly children from accidentally crashing into it. Absorbing sunlight and converting it to vitamin D is also necessary. Then calling from the beautiful beach house a wave from the spousal unit. What could she want? All I asked her to do was to wave when the high tide was coming in.

 

 

Dan’s Date Stamp

…an app for the ages.

This app idea reinvents “safe sex”. But, because the expense of building an app it can’t be built yet. But, when this goes viral it may even become a requirement just like the requirement for car insurance. Youths sixteen and over will be required to download and sign up.

The purpose of this application is to allow anyone, including college students, movie stars, professional athletes and politicians to register themselves before having sexual intercourse and indicating that they agree to have sex. Of course all registries information will be confidential. By registering and entering their private and confidential password they agree the sex they are about to indulge in is purely consenting. This will eliminate many “date rape” allegations and protect those that want consensual sex from worrying about future allegations. Also, by taking the time to login and enter the secret password it will allow all parties the time to reconsider having sex. And if alcohol is involved, requiring the password to be entered will also require consciousness.

DansDateStamp is a temporary name. Perhaps it could be called “Dad’s Date Stamp”. The idea of this app, which can be considered a sexual contract, is for the protection of both parties engaged in a sexual encounter. In today’s society people are being accused of non-consensual sex. Some accuse others of rape. With this app both parties agree to have sex and this information is stored in a secure database. This app is for the benefit of both parties. In addition to the storage of this information for future needs, two individuals initially decide to have safe sex and even repeat customers (all participants can return to their app with a private password) still have to go to the app, initialize the DATE STAMP and go through the last chance to change their mind. This app makes “safe sex, safer”.

And there will be no bragging rights.  The information won’t be accessible by any Internet hackers. An email will be sent to each participant and what they want to do with their privacy is up to them.

With the development of this app more functions can be added such as listings of preferences, communicable diseases, etc. The only ones that don’t want this app are the ones who don’t respect other’s needs. In addition to those people who care about no one but themselves. So many people now regret not having information about people whom they slept with. Image a sailor having a girl in every port without casting thy bread upon the water. That is, some people are in it just for the fun of it and don’t care about the results. Though it is fun there is an extreme amount of responsibility that goes with it. With this app both parties have to take responsibility

A beautiful awakening

…Wishing every-one the same-

>Clouded river.

   This morning was a beautiful awakening.  The glowing Sun was peaking over the sparkling prairie.  Dew drops in this morning to bead sprinkles on the clover.  The morning glory is climbing for joy.  I should also mention the chipper of a couple lovebirds outside my window.  For a new day is here and Mother Nature delivers to the world all her peace and beauty for those who wish to enjoy it.

My jeans still reflect the sunshine’s freshness from yesterday’s sunbath.  They feel just like a thick layer of skin.  No, I imagine they feel just as the layer of a leaf that once sheltered a flowering bud.  My jeans slide into place.  Then on comes the long sleeve baseball shirt with a design that resembles a thought born on a boring day.  I yield to a pair of semi-matched white sox and then continue with no despair.  My tenny shoes are well broken-in.  Yet, they still add a little bounce to my step as if I need one.

Breakfast consists of toasted wheat bread, peanut butter and Mama’s homemade jelly, and an ice cold glass of milk.  Fruit is good, maybe even a couple of orange and grapefruit slices, better yet a bundle of white seedless grapes bobbling in a bowl of chilling water.  Satisfied were my stomach’s needs and fulfilled are my desires with no contempt to any other part of me.

Then I am off and away.  Flying one of the few contraptions made by man that seems fit for existence.  Down by the river I take a bike ride to the park.  The trees shudder to a gentle breeze.  Flowers are revived in their beauty when the sunlight makes it possible for an array of colors to be transferred to my line of thought.  My eyes are warmed by such a miracle.

My eyes almost melt at another miracle of nature bathing in the river.  Honest is the warmth transfered to my soul.  I maintain control as I swoop in among the trees and shadows.  A greeting is exchanged to continue the conversation from the night before.  The subject does not matter.  For friends talk of the weather and a change of a couple degrees would fill two books of notes and tales.

At last man and his mate flow together.  A river flows in the same manner.  Nothing is perfect.  Yet, nothing is as spectacular.  And so it continues with nothing to intervene.  This river of love never ends; it just keeps on flowing.

 

 

Pea green people

…In a melting pot-

>Melting colors.

The year is 2020, a year of clear vision. Earth will be of the same dimensions: spherical, short and fat. It will be of a different color though. Not white or black, yellow, green, blue, orange or lavender. Not a color that you can comprehend or that you are ready for today. It is LOVE, a new color never seen before in such a magnitude.

There will be some rich and some poor because they won’t begin to see until about 2020 when vision will not be obscured and we will have the kettle brewing. There may be some individuals that won’t indulge like the Neanderthal,  though, they will be few and far between. Mischling is the way to go.

You can see it now, the walls are coming down. People will migrate or immigrate to foreign lands, foreign cultures and they will diversify. To choose a mate of a completely opposite culture will mold two figures into one, their offspring will do the same. There will be no fighting over race, creed, religion or power. When people will work together and have no differences in social thought. And then wealth will be nothing more than a burden like gold on a life-raft. No one born with more than a billion than anyone else and all having the same career and educational opportunities.

Governments are singularly in cause and plural only in ideas of how to provide more oneness in its people. The United States of America is a small experiment. The real melting pot is the earth. The ingredients are everybody and open mindedness. What color will the soup be? Who cares, it could be pea green and it wouldn’t make a difference, because everybody will be the same color. There will be the exceptional beast, but, they will be killing each other off by greed and prejudice, the same killing diseases we have today.

Don’t be one of those that can’t listen to reason because of a mental affliction. Nor be green with envy, yet be green from being scooped out of the melting pot.